Lay It All On Me
by butterfly.cell
Summary: When the TARDIS sings, the Doctor can't ignore her... - Final installment in the Just Like A Man series following on from Sky Blue and Black Ten, Jack/Ianto
1. Chapter 1

**Rating**: 15  
**Characters/Pairings**: Jack, Doctor (Ten), TARDIS; Jack/Ianto  
**Spoilers**: All Torchwood (for safety); DW 1x02  
**Warnings**: ANGST; character death; M/M relations  
**Summary**: When the TARDIS sings, the Doctor can't ignore her...

**Disclaimer**: Torchwood and the Doctor belong to RTD and the song belongs to The Black Crowes

**Author's Note**: Okay, so main things to say here: This is very much interlinked with my series. For this reason, Jack's reactions and characterisation may be a fair way from him in the show - but it's consitant with the storyline I've been trying to build up over the past three fics (that being that the relationship with Ianto is the strongest and most dedicated he's ever had - as he decided not to run away or treat it casually).

Also, whilst it has a song name as it's title, and the song goes nicely with the story – Lay it All On Me by The Black Crowes, I decided not to have the lyrics in amongst the story for purposes that will soon become obvious. There's nothing about this that I want to belittle or risk forcing. I hope you all like it!

* * *

**Lay it All On Me**

Chapter 1

'_It is time…_' came the whisper in the Doctor's mind. He closed his eyes slowly and nodded painfully. Whilst he knew this day would come, it was the day he dreaded more than anything.

It was only four Earth years after those mysterious three days and, even though he knew more time than this would've been a miracle, he mourned for Ianto Jones.

*

Jack sat in his office and stared at his computer screen. _It's been two days, just do it_, he growled at himself, but he cowered from the anger and he hid in his office, refusing to acknowledge that Ianto was gone. The moment he closed his personnel file, Ianto was officially dead – killed in action.

He took a deep breath, forced himself to stop crying and opened the file he'd been avoiding. Without looking at the details or the photos, he typed in his password and deactivated Ianto from all aspects of the institution. His heart felt like lead, twisting and aching in his chest every second of the day, even more so now. The reality would soon sink in and he couldn't face it.

As he was about to close his computer down, it flashed 'New Mail' at him and he frowned. He clicked it open and bit back a gasp at the sender: '_Ianto Jones_'. He quickly opened the attached file and watched in grief as the video started playing.

"_Right, okay… you're probably in a pretty bad place right now – or at least I hope you are._" The image of Ianto grinned at him for a moment before he looked away. "_I thought for a while about how I should say goodbye – because that's the one thing you don't get with Torchwood. For a while, I was just going to recite a whole list of words for you to cut together and make 'rude'-_" He raised his hands and did air quotes, "_sentences from, but I eventually decided against it._

"_I know you won't want to go anywhere or be with anyone right now, but there's someone coming. This has probably taken a couple of days for you to do – you were always crap at paperwork – so within twenty-four hours, you're going on a trip. You're not going to argue, you're not going to refuse – if this trip is the last thing you do for me, then so be it._

"_The Doctor was right, Jack – there's nothing more right in the world than you and not just in my world. The earth needs you Jack, just like I needed you._" Ianto sighed and glanced off to one side with a grin. "_It looks like you're coming to interrupt me, you _did _have a rather tedious call from UNIT…_

"_I guess the only thing I have left to say is that I love you, nothing can change that. The only thing that can change is how you remember me._" Ianto's eyes were intense for a moment before Jack heard his own voice calling in the background. Ianto shot a grin at the camera before leaning in and turning it off.

Jack didn't even realise he was crying until there was a knock on the door a few minutes later. He rubbed his cheeks dry and stood up, frowning slightly. He'd sent the team home an hour or so earlier. Tosh had been as distraught as Jack, Gwen hadn't been able to stop crying and even Owen was deeply affected. They'd all been so upset that Jack had told them all to take a day off.

Owen had taken Tosh home to keep her company and they'd dropped Gwen on the way. Jack had simply gone to sit in his office, planning on drinking until he passed out. He was both annoyed and perturbed by his intruder, especially as it was the middle of the night.

When he opened the door and saw the grim faced man, standing a few feet away from his ship, Jack stared in shock. The Doctor reached out a hand and wrapped it around Jack's neck, pulling him into a firm hug, rubbing the back of his head as Jack finally broke down, sobbing into the man's jacket as he gripped it tightly.

The Doctor remained silent and just closed his eyes again, feeling the grief rolling off Jack hitting him hard in the chest. He could only just begin to imagine what Jack must be feeling. At least when he'd said 'goodbye' he'd known Rose was still alive, stilling walking and breathing and going through her life.

They stood there for a long time – the Doctor timed it as almost thirty minutes – with Jack just clinging to him. Not once did he attempt to stop Jack or move him, he simply held him close and stroked the back of his head as Jack leaned it on his shoulder.

"He's gone…" Jack's whispered after his cries of anguish died down to pained sobs. His throat hurt and his voice was harsh, but he didn't care. It was only a tiny proportion of the ache inside him.

"I know, it's going to be okay, Jack." He murmured in return, his hand continuing to stroke Jack's neck as he closed his eyes and grimaced.

"How?" Jack choked, almost hysterical.

"Because he asked me to look after you and that's what I'm going to do." The Doctor said softly as Jack lapsed into another wave of grief.

*

After another twenty minutes of the silent comforting, Jack seemed recovered enough to go and collect his things for the trip the Doctor was taking him on. He went down to his bunker and collected his box of home video chips, stuffing several changes of clothes into a duffel bag before heading back to the ladder.

He stopped then and though, leaning his forehead against the nearest rung. Ianto's hoody was still lying on his bed, where it had been thrown several days earlier as Jack had stripped the young man off, desperate to see him after a series of events which meant they'd had very little time together.

Jack's heart throbbed painfully and he walked slowly to the garment and picked it up, pressing his face into it and taking a deep breath of the scent that lingered.

The tears started to fall again, though they were silent as he climbed up into his office, grabbed his coat and walked into the TARDIS, standing behind Tosh's workstation. Instead of wistfully saying goodbye to the Hub, he slammed the door closed and headed straight through to the room he'd adopted.

His knees buckled and he dropped the items in his hands as the door swung open and he saw a small pile of objects on the bed, familiar objects that he hadn't put there. He felt a hand on his shoulder and gripped it as he closed his eyes and tried to compose himself.

"I made a stop and picked up some things." The Doctor said kindly. Jack nodded mutely and walked into the room, reaching out to see if the items were real. His fingers fell on the soft material of Ianto's pillow and his pyjama t-shirt. Lying next to them were several smaller trinkets – the necklace he wore on days off, his battered journal, the last birthday card Jack had given him which had still been propped up on his bedside table.

"What am I supposed to do with these?" He asked quietly, running the necklace through his fingers absently, staring at the Doctor with an expression of utter abandonment. The Doctor realised then just how much Jack needed help - and just how much Ianto Jones had known his lover and partner.

*

Jack stayed locked in his room for days at a time, just thinking. He listened to the TARDIS, who hummed to him when he got upset, comforted him when his body ached to be held and helped him dream when his sleep was plagued with nightmares.

After a couple of weeks, he ventured out into the main console room to find the Doctor sitting with his feet propped up on the console and reading a book. His eyebrows rose at the sight of Jack, but he didn't say anything as the other man approached.

For a while, Jack remained silent, running his fingers over the familiar controls of the TARDIS and watching as the central column thrummed with life.

"I think I feel like talking now." Jack said quietly, a sad smile on his face as he concentrated on the lights.

"Well, it's the hardest question I think, but I'd like to know how it happened." The Doctor asked carefully, the thought having bitten at him ever since the TARDIS's whisper in his mind.

"He and Tosh were captured, taken hostage." Jack replied wistfully. "We tried to sneak in and get them out, but we only managed to get to Tosh before they found out. They grabbed him and he must've fought back because they broke his neck. He was just lying on the floor when we got to him, like he was sleeping."

Jack voice cracked and he frowned to stop himself from crying.

"What did you do?" The Doctor asked quietly, frowning himself.

"Nothing." Jack said suddenly, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand and turning to the Doctor in one quick motion, blinking a couple of times before he continued. "I stayed with him whilst Owen took the other two back to the Hub and then I carried him to the SUV and we drove him back. I wouldn't let Owen do an autopsy, so he's lying in the med bay."

"You're learning then, Jack." The Doctor said with a smile. When Jack frowned, he decided to clarify himself. "The man I met all those years ago wouldn't have thought twice about avenging the death of his lover. He would've left the body alone to satisfy his bloodlust. But you didn't. You're learning."

*

Over the next few months, the Doctor took Jack on trips across the universe, to sit on beaches for hours on end, look through market stalls, see shows and generally remember what life was all about.

Very slowly, Jack improved. He was still quiet and he still preferred the TARDIS and the Doctor's company to crowds in bars, but he could now talk about Ianto without the crippling grief that had overwhelmed him almost as soon as he'd spoken to the Doctor about how he'd died.

It was one evening, after he'd spent the day sitting under a sea green sky, watching the sun set a deep aquamarine when he decided he knew what he was going to do when the Doctor came to find him. He ran his hands through the soft green grass and closed his eyes. Had he been there under any other circumstances, he would've smiled at the tranquillity and comfort of the beautiful alien world. He found it very hard to smile now.

He heard a humming in the back of his mind and got up, shoving his hands in his pockets with a sigh as he trudged over to where the TARDIS waited for him, a few hundred meters away. He nodded a hello to the Doctor and continued through to his room, taking a deep breath as he closed the door and dug out his box of home videos, selecting one of the more personal ones.

He slotted the transparent slide into the machine on the table next to him and gently pressed the 'play' button, watching with a tight chest as the image flickered into life.

_"There's a _huge_ difference between like and love, Jack."_ Ianto laughed. He was lying sprawled out on his sofa and Jack remembered being propped up against the wall opposite him.

_"Yeah, I like doughnuts, but I love coffee, I get it!"_ He heard himself say with exasperation. They'd been having the argument for a while.

_"Correction, you like coffee, but you love sex."_ Ianto countered with a knowing smile. Jack's eyebrows raised sceptically in time with the recorded version of himself, though he couldn't see himself. He was just reacting in the same way.

Then someone else walked into the frame and Jack saw his back, purposefully heading towards Ianto and straddling him on the sofa, his head coming down to only a few inches from Ianto's. _"Oh, is that so?"_

Ianto grinned and leaned up to kiss him and Jack rubbed his lips as the memory flashed through his mind in time with the recording. The slow, burning kiss that lingered as a ghost on his lips long after the two images broke apart.

_"See, that was 'like'."_ Ianto said meaningfully before pressing his hand flat to Jack's chest, right on top of his heart and kissing him in an altogether more gentle and intoxicating way for a long moment. _"And _that_ was 'love'."_

They pulled back and looked at each other intently and Jack almost felt like he was intruding, but he could still remember the piercing gaze Ianto fixed him with, as if he was looking straight through all his defences. Ianto was pulled up off the sofa and with arms around each other and lips locked in another kiss, they slowly walked out of the frame and '_End of File_' took it's place in bright blue letters.

Jack wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and scrubbed hard at his cheeks, teeth gritted against another onslaught of tears. He didn't want to cry anymore. He'd cried for too long and he was so tired of it all. All his efforts couldn't stop the silent cascade and he moved to lie face down on his bed.

_Maybe I wasn't ready…_ he thought with a stab of grief as his breathing juddered and he started to sob again, his world filled with bone-deep aching and sorrow once more.

Little did Jack know that the Doctor was keeping an eye on him via the TARDIS's faint psychic link. He patted the console wearily and smiled. They'd felt Jack smile for the first time in months, no matter how unconsciously it had been born.

_He has to take a few steps back every so often, he's still doing well…_ he thought reprovingly to the concerned and maternal hum and pulsing of the column in front of him.

* * *

TBC - Hope you liked it, comments adored!


	2. Chapter 2

Thankyou for all your comments, they're MUCH appreciated! I'm really glad you gave this a go and I hope you like it the rest of it :)

* * *

Chapter 2

Jack didn't emerge from his room for days. After feeling several flinches in Jack's timeline within his head, the Doctor realised that the man must have been killing himself. He counted at least six before Jack emerged from his room, dull eyed and silent.

He didn't speak for another week, just wandering the halls of the TARDIS, trailing his fingertips along the walls and shuffling his feet. The Doctor could sense his ship's anxiety with the captain's behaviour, but he couldn't move on with his plan until Jack was ready.

When he didn't see Jack emerge from his room for another few days, the Doctor decided to venture inside. He found Jack curled up in his armchair, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he read one of his books.

"Since when have you read Catch 22?" He asked sceptically. Jack looked up at him and offered a small smile.

"Since he tried to get me to read for four years and I repeatedly refused." He replied sadly.

"What other things did he like?" The Doctor asked quietly, leaning on the doorframe as Jack glanced over the front cover of the book he was holding.

"He liked old films – like Gone With the Wind and Heaven Can Wait. In the beginning, we used to watch them every Saturday, after work, but we kind of stopped when I moved in." Jack sighed and closed his book, putting it down on the table next to him. "Then we watched them in the middle of the night – I wouldn't be able to sleep and I'd put one on and he'd end up joining me. He always hated the thought of me being alone in the middle of the night."

"He was a good man." The Doctor said sagely, Jack nodding in agreement.

"No one ever did things like that for me before him and now I'm alone again." Jack whispered as his stomach throbbed unpleasantly.

"On the contrary, although it's a poor consolation, the TARDIS is being particularly protective and motherly over you." The Doctor smiled as he heard his ship humming in agreement and Jack looked up with a weak laugh.

"You never explained why you don't still run from me. I seem to remember it was that which flung us to the other end of the universe." Jack said wryly, patting the wall beside him as he felt the TARIDS murmur an apology.

"I can't tell you, Jack… I don't think it would be a wise idea, timey-" The Doctor began awkwardly, Jack cutting in to finish his sentence.

"-wimey stuff, I get it. The Butterfly Effect and all that." Jack nodded, pulling the blanket from him and standing up. He crossed the room and grabbed a clean shirt, which he pulled on over his t-shirt and shoved into his trousers roughly, finally snapping his brace over his shoulders. "I think I need some fresh air."

"I've got just the place." The Doctor said with a nod, vanishing back to the main console room.

*

"No, no I can't." Jack growled painfully, gripping the banister by the door until his knuckles went white, his eyes wide with shock and hurt. The Doctor slipped a key on a piece of string around his neck and eased his grip from the metal, handing him his coat.

"No one will be able to see us, I strengthened the field." He was patient with Jack, careful not to scare him or push him. He wanted Jack to do this, but he needed Jack to want to as well. He could do a huge amount of damage to his recovery if he forced this upon the grieving man.

Slowly, carefully, Jack nodded and released his vice like grip on the railing, letting the Doctor lead him out of the TARDIS into a side alley off the bustling street ahead. They walked slowly through the crowds until they reached a small coffee shop tucked away on the corner of another street, full of students and 'fashionable' people.

Jack could smell the coffee drifting from the shop and the ache was back once more. He hadn't touched the drink since Ianto's death and he had no wish to do so now. They neared the shop front and Jack suddenly realised that he had no idea when they were – though he knew instinctively that it was Cardiff.

The Doctor was just about to push the door open when Jack heard a yell from inside and froze.

"Will you _please _just top it up?" The male voice said with exasperation. Jack's heart fractured and he turned and walked purposefully back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor came back a good fifteen minutes later with a coffee from the shop. He approached Jack's room but found the lights were switched off. He eased the door open and placed the drink on the table next to Jack's chair before pulling the door closed again and heading back to find something to occupy his time with.

*

When he went to find Jack an hour later, the Doctor discovered that he wasn't in his room and neither was the coffee he'd bought him. The TARDIS couldn't feel him inside either, so the Doctor ventured back out into 90's Cardiff.

He headed straight for the coffee shop they'd visited earlier and found Jack standing outside the large window, hands in pockets and staring through the glass at the relaxed scene inside. The sixteen year old Ianto was wiping down tables and laughing with friends, talking about something the Doctor couldn't grasp.

The Doctor realised Jack was crying again, his cheeks shining and his jaw set in some form of determination. He sighed inwardly and reached out to brush the tears from the other man's skin.

The Doctor carefully guided him back to the TARDIS by the arm, finding little resistance. As soon as he stepped through the door, the TARDIS made a concerted effort to calm him down, using an unusual amount of energy to contact him on a more intimate level, singing to him as she sensed that the distress in his mind had increased since he left her doors.

"Jack?" The Doctor asked cautiously, the man having stopped just inside the door. His shoulders were slumped and he was looking down at the floor, as if he was crumbling in on himself. A jolt of concern gripped him and he tilted the man's face up to look at him.

His eyes were dull and empty, as if the life had gone from them, unseeing as the Doctor chewed on his lip, deliberating for a moment. Leaning in, he kissed him gently, showing affection and trust rather than romance and lust.

It was an act of comfort – a dangerous gamble that paid off.

When the Doctor pulled away, Jack's eyes were focussed and grateful. He nodded and sighed heavily before walking over to the seats by the console and dropping down into them.

"How much longer are you going to let me stay?" He asked quietly. The Doctor almost started to laugh, but restrained himself.

"You stay as long as you need to. I'm not taking you back until you can think of him without shutting down." He took the seat next to Jack and sat back. "He asked me to make sure you kept going, kept living – and that's exactly what I intend to do."

"I just don't see how." Jack murmured as he slumped forwards, hands covering his face. The Doctor placed a hand on his back and tried not to let himself feel dragged under by the wave of hopelessness that came from his old friend.

In all the time he'd known Jack Harkness, he'd never known him suffer the loss of a lover like this. He really was a completely different person. The Doctor had heard stories about Ianto on the trip back from the Valiant, Jack had hardly shut up about him. Whether this complete surrender to the other man was a result of the torture he'd gone through or something else, the Doctor had no idea.

It stood to reason that Jack - who lived life to its fullest, loved like an intergalactic Casanova and felt emotions like they were air – would feel grieve to his core. It also stood to reason that, as Jack had loved Ianto so much more than he'd loved in his past, this grief could so easily be his undoing.

Silently, whilst he wanted Jack to learn how to live without Ianto and carry on loving people, he hoped that no one ever got this close to him again – something inside him railed against the thought of Ianto ever being equalled by another and he was alarmed by the feeling. He had, after all, only met the man that once.

As he rubbed Jack's back gently, he suddenly remembered whispered words that he'd only half listened to all those years ago. He'd been in the middle of a seething rage, but he'd heard them, in his last life, as the Earth burned – a murmured lament and a final farewell to a mysterious figure.

Only now, through new eyes and the grief of loss, could he put that song into context. He'd been saying goodbye to Ianto, to what remained of his body in the Earth and had helped to sustain it – the cycle of life. Jack had been saying goodbye.

*

It wasn't until seven months later when Jack finally found the strength of will to watch more of the video clips of Ianto. He'd spent endless weeks thinking through the decision this time, wondering whether he'd be able to cope, trying to prepare himself. He really, really didn't want to cry anymore.

It had been almost a year and a half now and he was so very tired of his life.

Gingerly, he pushed himself up from the bed where he'd been reading and took a deep breath before flicking the lights off and sitting in his arm chair. He pulled the stack of files towards him and flicked through, reading the small name labels and replacing them, growling slightly in frustration. Eventually, he pulled his wrist strap off and plugged it into the projector, scrolling through the files still on it until he reached the one he'd settled on watching first.

With shaking hands, he pressed the 'play' button and watched it shimmer into life. As it started to play, the blue lights flickering across the darkened room, his memory started to fill in the missing details, the colours, the smells.

Soon enough, he was lost inside the memory, the image of himself sitting back in bed and watching something off screen blurring into one with the vision in his mind's eye…

_  
Ianto scowled as he slammed the door shut, shivering a little from the cold. It was the middle of winter and the ground outside had been coated in a thick layer of snow for weeks now. He moved through to the bedroom, where it was already nice and warm, before removing any layers._

_  
"Jack, I swear, if you make me go out and check the post this late again, I'll make sure you have your own package posted." He shrugged his coat off and kicked his shoes into the corner before practically diving under the duvet and curling around Jack. _

_  
"Christ!" Jack yelled in shock, flinching away from his lover at the icy touch of his hands. Ianto grinned sneakily at him and withdrew his frozen fingers from Jack's stomach, tucking them under his arms and drawing his knees up to his chest. _

_  
"It's your fault." He muttered petulantly as his body started to shake, the sudden change in temperature playing havoc with his muscles. Jack chuckled and pulled him onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him as Ianto rested his head on his shoulder and sighed. _

_  
"You know, as mean as it was, there was a real reason for sending you down there." Jack said softly, stroking his arm lightly._

_  
"Your obsessive need to be two steps ahead of everyone?" Ianto asked innocently, to which Jack growled defensively before reaching out to pick something up off his bedside table._

_  
"No, I needed to get these safely from my coat before you started cleaning up." He passed the small box to Ianto and the young man took it hesitantly, his curiosity getting the best of him as he pulled the lid off and looked inside. _

_  
"I thought we decided not to…" He murmured as he traced a finger over one of the silvery bands. _

_  
"I know, but I just figured… it's been two years now and even if we're not going to do the whole legal thing, I wanted there to be _something_." Jack rubbed the back of his head in a way he was prone to do when embarrassed and managed a sheepish smile as Ianto looked up at him with a mischievous grin on his face. "What do you think?"__"I think," Ianto said, pulling the rings out and holding them up to work out which was the bigger of the two, "that you've outdone yourself."_

_  
He yanked Jack's hand roughly downwards and slipped the larger of the two bands onto his ring finger, letting Jack do the same for him before leaning up to capture Jack's lips in a slow, heated caress which left hands free to roam until Jack found a particularly cold section of Ianto's back – where his t-shirt had come untucked from his pyjama trousers – and pulled away, pulling Ianto around so his back was flush against Jack's front._

_  
Ianto grinned and nestled back into Jack's arms, sighing both in relief from the extra warmth and contentment from just feeling safe and secure. They turned their attention to the television flickering on the sideboard across the room from them and settled themselves to watch the show. _

_  
Once Ianto was completely warmed up and the show was finished, they would turn their attention to more intimate things _…

This time, when the image flickered away, ending with the two lovers cuddled together after a particularly sensual lovemaking session, Jack found himself smiling sadly. Of course, there were tears staining his cheeks, but the feeling in his chest was an echo of the pure bliss he'd felt the moment Ianto had slipped the ring onto his finger.

He wiped his eyes slowly on the back of his hand and got up from his seat, turning the lights back on as he moved onto the next step of his plan.

He pulled the top drawer open and looked inside, gingerly moving the objects around as he search for something. He let his fingers trail over the silk ties that he'd stolen from Ianto and glanced at the post-its, smiling at the varying degrees of sarcasm and annoyance across them. Finally, he found the object he'd been looking for, still lying where it had been thrown away angrily all those months ago.

He picked up the dark silver band and slipped it onto his finger, just as Ianto had done two years previously. As the metal settled into its natural place, Jack felt a feeling of peace and familiarity starting to warm through him, removing the bitter edge from the heartache and loneliness.


	3. Chapter 3

Ha, on a COMPLETELY different not to the fic, I had to get a couple of new pairs of glasses (I keep losing the ones I have, which I need for computer, reading art etc.) and one of them are the closest I could find to the Doctor's glasses... CAN'T WAIT TO PICK THEM UP ON TUESDAY! :D

On another note,t hankyou all for reading this, I hope you enjoy it and finish thinking I've done Ianto justice :)

* * *

Chapter 3

Jack spent a further eight months aboard the TARDIS with the Doctor, slowly but surely healing his broken soul.

The day after he'd put his ring on again, he'd told the Doctor about the event whilst they strolled through some mystical and exotic marketplace. Over the weeks that followed, Jack would come to tell the Doctor every little thing about Ianto which had made him fall so completely in love. The Doctor felt honoured to have known the man by the end.

Whilst Jack was able to talk about Ianto, he still had bad days - days when he wouldn't get out of bed or wouldn't be able to talk. He would have weeks when he couldn't smile and he wouldn't eat. He would have nights when he woke from a troubled sleep haunted by memories of the times he'd fought with and hurt Ianto, only to find the soothing lullaby of the TARDIS weaving around him.

Still, after two linear years, Jack told the Doctor to take him home.

"You could always stay a little longer, you know?" The Doctor said as Jack pulled his coat on and pulled his bags over his shoulders.

"I'll come back sometime." Jack said with a smile. "I always do. Besides, you have half my life in that room."

"The stasis will hold, Jack. No matter when you come back, it'll be the same. Everything will be the same." The Doctor smiled in reassurance, remembering Jack's half hysterical fit over whether Ianto's clothes would still smell like him, whether his books and ties would still be in the same condition.

The clothes and pillow had been locked in a stasis vault the week of his arrival, to keep Ianto's scent preserved. Jack had only occasionally allowed himself to open it, petrified of losing the memory. It had been his idea to create a stasis field around the entire room, to activate when it wasn't being used.

"Yeah… Okay, I'm ready." He said with a slightly forced smile. "Remember, I need to be back before my team come into work the next day. I need to say goodbye properly."

The Doctor nodded seriously and set the co-ordinates to only an hour after they'd left. The TARDIS seemed to be doing her part too and the ride was one of the smoothest that Jack had ever experienced onboard the ship. When the whirring died down and the shaking stopped, Jack took several deep breaths and pushed aside the worry.

"Once I'm out there, just go. Don't wait, just go." Jack said sternly. His mind needed to know that he couldn't just run crying back into the Doctor's arms. The other man approached him and stood looking at him solemnly.

"I don't think I ever told you how truly sorry I was for your loss, Jack." He said quietly. Jack smiled sadly and nodded. After a moment, he leaned in and kissed the other man with a slow intensity, deciding it was the only way he could convey just how grateful he was – in the back of his mind, he thought how similar it had been to their parting on the Gamestation.

After a long, bittersweet moment, Jack pulled back and sighed, glancing at the door.

"If you ever need me again, even if only for a talk, call me. I'll be here." The Doctor smiled warmly at him and sighed lightly.

"Thank you, Doctor. For everything. For this, for bringing Ianto back to me, for taking me away from the life I was living. Just… for everything." After a moment, Jack finally grinned and clapped the Doctor on the shoulder before leaving the ship and closing the door firmly behind him.

'_The time will come once more when Jack Harkness travels across the stars…_' came the whisper in the Doctor's mind, a smile pulling at his lips at the pleased hum from his ship. With a sigh and a nod, he headed back to the console and reset co-ordinates to find a new adventure.

'_The time will come when Jack Harkness accompanies the Last of the Timelords again…_' sang the TARDIS as she took flight.

*

Jack stepped out of the TARDIS and closed the door with a firm hand. He was going to do this now. He looked around himself and found the Hub in the exact same state as it had been when he'd left.

He took a moment to recognise and store away the tidal wave of grief before taking a deep breath and walking into his office, dropping his bags into his bunker and hanging his coat up. The first thing he did was go down to the autopsy bay.

He walked slowly, his knees weak as he approached the archway and pushed through the plastic to look over the railing. Another wave of anguish struck as he glimpsed the shrouded body lying on the table. He took the steps slowly, flicking the light on as he walked, reaching the bottom after a minute or so, his eyes never leaving the still form.

Taking another deep breath and biting back tears, he crossed to the table and pulled the sheet back from Ianto's pale face. Even now, Jack half expected a smile to curl at the man's lips as if this had been some incredibly elaborate joke.

He was completely still.

A choked sob escaped Jack's lips as he folded the sheet down to Ianto's shoulders, tears starting to spill from his eyes after months of not needing to fall. He caught them before they could run from his skin and studied the face below him.

With shaking hands, he reached one out and ran his fingers over the familiar features, tracing the shape of his eyes and his nose, lingering on his lips. His heart was throbbing painfully and his chest was aching but Jack stayed where he was, just stroking Ianto's soft, cold skin.

After a while, he pulled his hand back and pushed them into his pockets. He was surprised to find that Ianto's necklace was in there. He thought he'd left in on board the TARDIS. With a slight thrill of relief, he wrapped it around his watch wrist a couple of times, where it sat with almost perfect precision.

_Just like you_, he thought, looking fondly at the young man before leaning down and kissing his lips for a long, painful moment. He was bombarded with memories so strong that he had to move back to the stairs and sit down.

He squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his temples in an attempt to soothe the erratic flow and find some semblance of order for them. At first all he could see were flickers of colours and echoes of laughter and words. Then he found the first segment…

*

_He was in the middle of a conference call to the latest head honcho at UNIT and it had been raging for three hours. Ianto had decided to come keep him company but after the man had started to insult the Welsh as well as Torchwood, he'd had his way. _

_"Excuse me, sir, but I feel I must interrupt." Jack had looked over at the young man and the UNIT official had gone almost purple with indignation. "It's just, when you say 'those sheep stealing pansies', you'll find that the English began the dispute. I mean, you're not a 'sheep stealing pansy', are you, sir?"_

_Ianto had looked at the screen with convincing sincerity and concern and Jack had very nearly burst into highly undignified laughter. The call hadn't lasted much longer_ …

*

_"Too tired…" Ianto groaned into his pillow as Jack tried to cajole him into waking up._

_"This sounds serious, I may need to get Owen to come down and check you out." Jack said with mock concern. Ianto just rolled over._

_"That's a shame, I thought you liked caffeine and sex…" He muttered with a sly smile before promptly falling back to sleep. Jack mentally checked off a tally for Ianto. It seemed he was winning more and more points for himself. Mind you, Jack didn't put up too much of a fight._

_Ianto hadn't woken up for another hour_ …

*

_He was asleep in the large bed they shared in Ianto's flat, but he could hear the taps running in the en suite. Blearily, he forced himself to wake up fully and the sound of furious scrubbing soon met his ears as well. _

_With a frown, he got up, pulled on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and headed over to the door which stood ajar, a chink of bright light cascading across the floor. As he pushed it open, he heard frantic muttering and he looked over to the sink in alarm. _

_Ianto was standing with his hands under the running water, bright red from the cold and the scouring. Jack hurried over to him and wrenched his hands free of the water, holding them in his own and angling his body so he could look at Ianto's tear streaked face. _

_"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He asked gently as he pulled Ianto towards him, the young man covering his face with his hands and leaning his head on Jack's chest, sobbing painfully. Jack glanced around and saw a bottle of bleach on the edge of the sink, his stomach twisting as he realised Ianto had been washing his hands with it. _

_"The blood won't come off…" He cried, his voice cracking and his whole body shaking. Jack grimaced at the memory of Ianto aiming and shooting Gwen's kidnapper stone cold, a bullet through his forehead. They'd all been ordered to shoot to kill, but Ianto had never found it easy to shoot a gun at all, let alone to kill someone – even if they did have a gun to his colleague's head. He'd had to clean the body and blood up only a few minutes later. "Oh God… All that blood, Jack…"_

_Jack felt his heart break at the torture in his lover's voice and raised the still cold hands to his lips, pressing kisses on them and sucking gently at the skin. Jack smiled slightly as Ianto leaned on him a little more and his breathing evened out, pulling his hands from Jack's and wrapping them tightly around his neck. _

_Ianto Jones was unique - he wasn't jaded by what he saw at Torchwood, though he'd seen enough to have gone mad. He still held the same, basic morals that every living being should hold. _

_That was part of why he loved this man_ …

*

_"Jack…" Ianto murmured as he lost himself in the building sensation within him, generated by Jack's slow yet powerful thrusts from behind. His skin was slick with sweat and almost feverish, but it felt so good for Jack to be pressed flush against his back, an arm around his waist as he moved deeply and lazily into him._

_"Come with me, Ianto…" Jack said in a gruff whisper, lips caressing the soft skin below his ear. The air was filled with the scents and sounds of sex and they were completely intoxicated with each other, already riding high before orgasm was even reached. _

_Jack felt Ianto reach around for his free hand and twine their fingers together, wrapping their hands around his shaft and starting to move them in time, a moan of pleasure escaping his lips. Jack felt another pulse of need and he picked up the pace, Ianto's eyes closing and his head resting back against Jack's shoulder._

_The were so in tune with each other that as Ianto came, his lover's name escaping with his breath, Jack followed only a thrust later, both of them lost in the dizzy and addictive highs. As Jack began to grasp an awareness of reality, he kissed Ianto's neck again._

_"I love you, Ianto… More than anything." His words were soft and gentle and Ianto twisted his head to capture his lips in a bruising kiss._

_"I know." He said with a sleepy smile. "And I love you too"_ …

*

More memories and emotions flickered through Jack's mind, but he'd cleared enough to be able to concentrate on what was important. He only had a few more hours to grieve Ianto alone and he wasn't going to waste them reminiscing about a past he would remember for an eternity.

Brushing the tears away once more, he got to his feet and moved back to Ianto's body. He brushed his hair back from his forehead and kissed each of the delicate eyelids before pressing a last, tentative kiss to his lips.

_The end is where we start from…_ he thought with a sigh, turning away to start filling in the death certificate. His heart twisted again and he smiled sadly, _but this isn't the end, Ianto… This ache is never going to end… this love… Wait for me._

In an ideal world, Jack would've heard some distant whisper of assurance, some memory or hallucination of his lover hearing him and doing what he asked, perhaps teasing him or mocking him.

But it wasn't an ideal world, not remotely.

Instead, Jack turned to the strength he could find in his team, his family. They would get through this, they would learn to go on without Ianto and they would, in time, learn to smile again.

Jack was living proof of that.

* * *

FIN x.


End file.
